chasing paper

After all that time, it was still him and I. We defied all of the odds, all of the obstacles fate had thrown at us to keep us apart. But it was something greater than fate, it was a great love. The stars aligned against the navy sky and spelled out our names, forever offering us light even at the darkest of moments. Everything had added up to right now. We were on the brink of our future, the rest of our lives, and he was holding my hand right by my side. 

"Don't be scared," he whispered through the dark. But I couldn't help it. I couldn't help but feel excited, but also apprehensive; fearless, but also scared; ready, but also unprepared; willing to change, but also wanting everything to stay the same. I guess that's the funny thing about moving on: the anticipation is always so much easier than the real thing. 

I knew that this time around, it was a real goodbye. It was something in my bones. After graduation, our futures were on different paths. I was eighteen, and this was my time to leave. To be selfish with my time. To make mistakes, before they began to count. To love, to laugh, to be playful. To learn, something new, everyday. This was my time to figure out who I was and what I liked and what I wanted, and I couldn't do it with him. 

Everything had an expiration date: school, dreams, life, even him and I. But I couldn't help feeling like it wasn't over. Almost as if this wasn't an ending, but a beginning. 

Big dreams, gangster, said you had to leave to start your life over
I was like, “No please, stay here, we don't need no money we can make it all work”
But he headed out on Sunday, said he'd come home Monday
I stayed up waitin', anticipatin', and pacin'
But he was chasing paper, "caught up in the game," that was the last I heard


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