clean


I chase myself out of the idea of it all because I always thought I could do better. Five years later, I sit on that back porch, looking at the stars and wondering how it is we both ended up here once again. Magnetic, electric. It's an energy, the way that I can feel you before you even enter the room. It's beyond the earth, it's part of the galactic particles, it's something beyond our control.

Your eyes tell stories of all the places you've been, all the things you want to be, all the scars on your soul. I watched them turn wild when the waters got rough, I watched them turn warm just before they closed. Parts of you grew onto parts of me, and I'm still trying to wash myself clean. We stood together in a hospital room and, for the first time, I watched your heart break. There are days when I wish we hadn't grown that close. There are days when I'm glad we did.

The feelings will eventually subside. Our souls are on different trajectories, carrying on alone until maybe our worlds collide again. I think of you when I think of youth, when I think of summer, when I think of home, when I think of all the dreams I once had for myself. The feelings will eventually subside. Two forces of nature, two hearts, two different lives. We were just a boat on the ocean, and sometimes I wonder what could've happened if we never found the shore.


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